today, i've got an out of office auto-reply saying:
Dear Sender,
Thank you for your email.
I will be out of office until January 2,
please note that during these times I will not have access to my mails.
Should you need assistance regarding... blah.. blah.. blah..
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
that long?
is she getting married?
i guess...
whatever her plans, i wish her happiness, faith, and love.
20081112
business card
Unexpectedly, I received a pack of my own business card on my third company last week. And it reminded me of the business card 7 years ago from a girl I met in a bar. Over the weekend I dig up my old stuffs looking for the card and was fortunate enough to find it.
In front it reads:
No Name
No Business
No Address
No Phone
No Money
And the back reads:
Any chance to crawl in the dark with you tonight?
If so, just keep the card.
If not, kindly return it because they are expensive.
I am not as good as I once was.
But I’m good once as I ever was!
P.S. You don’t have to say yes, just smile!
****
Obviously, I keep it...
In front it reads:
No Name
No Business
No Address
No Phone
No Money
And the back reads:
Any chance to crawl in the dark with you tonight?
If so, just keep the card.
If not, kindly return it because they are expensive.
I am not as good as I once was.
But I’m good once as I ever was!
P.S. You don’t have to say yes, just smile!
****
Obviously, I keep it...
20080806
20080714
ouch...
Wednesday evening 12/21
Dearest *******,
It’s so difficult to know how and where to begin. I’ve been thinking long and hard through many ideas trying to find a way…
I finally struck one little thought, a musical metaphor, through which I have been able to think clearly and find understanding, if not satisfaction, and I want to share it with you. So please bear with me while we have yet another music lesson.
The most commonly used form for large classical works is sonata form. It is the basis of almost all symphonies and concertos. It consists of three main sections: the exposition or opening, in which little ideas, themes, bits and pieces are set forth and introduced to each other; the development, in which these tiny ideas and motifs are explored to their fullest, expanded, often go from major (happy) to minor (unhappy) and back again, and are developed and woven together in greater complexity until at last there is: the recapitulation, in which there is a restatement, a glorious expression of the full, rich maturity to which the tiny ideas have grown through the development process.
How does this apply to us, you may ask, if you haven’t already guessed.
I see us stuck in the never-ending opening. At first, it was the real thing, and sheer delight. It is the part of a relationship in which you are at your best: fun, charming, excited, exciting, interesting, interested. It is a time when you’re most comfortable and most lovable because you do not feel the need to mobilize your defenses, so your partner gets to cuddle a warm human being instead of a giant cactus. It is a time of delight for both, and it’s no wonder you like openings so much you strive to make your life a series of them.
But beginnings cannot be prolonged endlessly; they cannot simply state and restate and restate themselves. They must move on and develop – or die of boredom. Not so, you say. You must get away, have changes, other people, other places so you can come back to a relationship as if it were new, and have constant new beginnings.
We moved on to a protracted series of reopenings. Some were caused by business separations that were necessary, but unnecessarily harsh and severe for two so close as we. Some were manufactured by you in order to provide still more opportunities to return to the newness you so desire.
Obviously, the development section is anathema to you. For it is where you may discover that all you have is a collection of severely limited ideas that won’t work no matter how much creativity you bring to them or – even worse for you – that you have the makings of something glorious, a symphony, in which case there is work to be done: depths must be plumbed, and separate entities carefully woven together, the better to glorify themselves and each other. I suppose it is analogous to that moment in writing when a book idea must be/cannot be run from.
We have undoubtedly gone further than you ever intended to go. And we have stopped far short of what I saw as our next logical and lovely steps. I have seen development with you continually arrested, and have come to believe that we will never make more than sporadic attempts at all our learning potential, our amazing similarities of interest, no matter how many years we may have – because we will never have unbroken time together. So the growth we prize so highly and know is possible becomes impossible.
We have both had a vision of something wonderful that awaits us. Yet we cannot get there from here. I am faced with a solid wall of defenses and you have the need to build more and still more. I long for the richness and fullness of further development, and you will search for ways to avoid it as long as we’re together. Both of us are frustrated; you unable to go back, I unable to go forward, in a constant state of struggle, with clouds and dark shadows over the limited time you allow us.
To feel you constant resistance to me, to the growth of this something wonderful, as if I and it were something horrible – to experience the various forms the resistance takes, some of them cruel – often causes me pain on one level or another.
I have a record of our time together, and have taken a long a honest look at it. It has saddened me, and even shocked me, but it has been helpful in facing the truth. I look back to the days in early July, and the seven weeks that followed, as our only truly happy period. That was the opening, and it was beautiful. Then there were the separations with their fierce and, to me, inexplicable cutoffs – and the equally fierce avoidance-resistance on your returns.
Away and apart or together and apart, it is too unhappy. I am watching me become a creature who cries a lot, a creature who even must cry a lot, for it almost seems that pity is necessary before kindness is possible. And I know I have not come this far in life to become pitiful.
To be told that canceling your date to help me when I was in a state of crisis “wouldn’t work for you” brought the truth crushing down on me with the force of an avalanche. Facing facts as honestly as I can, I know I cannot continue, no matter how much I might wish to do so; I cannot bend further.
I hope you will not see this as the breaking of an agreement, but rather the continuation of the many, many endings you have begun. I think it is something we both know must be. I accept that I have failed in my effort to let you know the joys of caring.
*******, my precious friend, this is said softly, even tenderly and lovingly. And the soft tones do not camouflage an underlying anger: they are real. There are no accusations, no blames or faults. I am simply trying to understand, and to stop the pain. I am starting what I have been forced to accept: that you and I are never going to have a development, much less the glorious climactic expression of a relationship grown to full blossom.
I have felt if anything in my life deserved departure from previously established patterns, going beyond all known limitations, this relationship did. I suppose I might be justified in feeling humiliated about the lengths to which I have gone to make it work. Instead, I feel proud of myself and glad to know I recognized the rare and lovely opportunity we had while we had it, and gave all I could, in the purest and highest sense, to preserve it. I am comforted by this now. In this awful moment of ending, I can honestly say I do not know of one other thing I might do to get us to that beautiful future we could have had.
Despite the pain, I’m happy to have known you in this special way, and will always treasure the time we’ve had together. I have grown with you, and learned much from you, and I know I have made major positive contributions to you. We are both better people for having touched one another.
At this late juncture, is occurs to me that a chess metaphor might also be useful. Chess is a game in which each party has its own singular objective even as it engages the other; a mid-game in which a struggle develops and intensifies and bits and pieces of each side are lost, both sides diminished; an end-game in which one traps and paralyzes the other.
I think you see life as a chess game; I see it as a sonata. And because of these differences, both the king and the queen are lost, and the song is silenced.
I am still your friend, as I know you are mine. I send this with a heart full of the deep and tender love and high regard you know I have for you, as well as profound sorrow that an opportunity so filled with promise, so rare and so beautiful, had to go unfulfilled.
(signed)
******
Dearest *******,
It’s so difficult to know how and where to begin. I’ve been thinking long and hard through many ideas trying to find a way…
I finally struck one little thought, a musical metaphor, through which I have been able to think clearly and find understanding, if not satisfaction, and I want to share it with you. So please bear with me while we have yet another music lesson.
The most commonly used form for large classical works is sonata form. It is the basis of almost all symphonies and concertos. It consists of three main sections: the exposition or opening, in which little ideas, themes, bits and pieces are set forth and introduced to each other; the development, in which these tiny ideas and motifs are explored to their fullest, expanded, often go from major (happy) to minor (unhappy) and back again, and are developed and woven together in greater complexity until at last there is: the recapitulation, in which there is a restatement, a glorious expression of the full, rich maturity to which the tiny ideas have grown through the development process.
How does this apply to us, you may ask, if you haven’t already guessed.
I see us stuck in the never-ending opening. At first, it was the real thing, and sheer delight. It is the part of a relationship in which you are at your best: fun, charming, excited, exciting, interesting, interested. It is a time when you’re most comfortable and most lovable because you do not feel the need to mobilize your defenses, so your partner gets to cuddle a warm human being instead of a giant cactus. It is a time of delight for both, and it’s no wonder you like openings so much you strive to make your life a series of them.
But beginnings cannot be prolonged endlessly; they cannot simply state and restate and restate themselves. They must move on and develop – or die of boredom. Not so, you say. You must get away, have changes, other people, other places so you can come back to a relationship as if it were new, and have constant new beginnings.
We moved on to a protracted series of reopenings. Some were caused by business separations that were necessary, but unnecessarily harsh and severe for two so close as we. Some were manufactured by you in order to provide still more opportunities to return to the newness you so desire.
Obviously, the development section is anathema to you. For it is where you may discover that all you have is a collection of severely limited ideas that won’t work no matter how much creativity you bring to them or – even worse for you – that you have the makings of something glorious, a symphony, in which case there is work to be done: depths must be plumbed, and separate entities carefully woven together, the better to glorify themselves and each other. I suppose it is analogous to that moment in writing when a book idea must be/cannot be run from.
We have undoubtedly gone further than you ever intended to go. And we have stopped far short of what I saw as our next logical and lovely steps. I have seen development with you continually arrested, and have come to believe that we will never make more than sporadic attempts at all our learning potential, our amazing similarities of interest, no matter how many years we may have – because we will never have unbroken time together. So the growth we prize so highly and know is possible becomes impossible.
We have both had a vision of something wonderful that awaits us. Yet we cannot get there from here. I am faced with a solid wall of defenses and you have the need to build more and still more. I long for the richness and fullness of further development, and you will search for ways to avoid it as long as we’re together. Both of us are frustrated; you unable to go back, I unable to go forward, in a constant state of struggle, with clouds and dark shadows over the limited time you allow us.
To feel you constant resistance to me, to the growth of this something wonderful, as if I and it were something horrible – to experience the various forms the resistance takes, some of them cruel – often causes me pain on one level or another.
I have a record of our time together, and have taken a long a honest look at it. It has saddened me, and even shocked me, but it has been helpful in facing the truth. I look back to the days in early July, and the seven weeks that followed, as our only truly happy period. That was the opening, and it was beautiful. Then there were the separations with their fierce and, to me, inexplicable cutoffs – and the equally fierce avoidance-resistance on your returns.
Away and apart or together and apart, it is too unhappy. I am watching me become a creature who cries a lot, a creature who even must cry a lot, for it almost seems that pity is necessary before kindness is possible. And I know I have not come this far in life to become pitiful.
To be told that canceling your date to help me when I was in a state of crisis “wouldn’t work for you” brought the truth crushing down on me with the force of an avalanche. Facing facts as honestly as I can, I know I cannot continue, no matter how much I might wish to do so; I cannot bend further.
I hope you will not see this as the breaking of an agreement, but rather the continuation of the many, many endings you have begun. I think it is something we both know must be. I accept that I have failed in my effort to let you know the joys of caring.
*******, my precious friend, this is said softly, even tenderly and lovingly. And the soft tones do not camouflage an underlying anger: they are real. There are no accusations, no blames or faults. I am simply trying to understand, and to stop the pain. I am starting what I have been forced to accept: that you and I are never going to have a development, much less the glorious climactic expression of a relationship grown to full blossom.
I have felt if anything in my life deserved departure from previously established patterns, going beyond all known limitations, this relationship did. I suppose I might be justified in feeling humiliated about the lengths to which I have gone to make it work. Instead, I feel proud of myself and glad to know I recognized the rare and lovely opportunity we had while we had it, and gave all I could, in the purest and highest sense, to preserve it. I am comforted by this now. In this awful moment of ending, I can honestly say I do not know of one other thing I might do to get us to that beautiful future we could have had.
Despite the pain, I’m happy to have known you in this special way, and will always treasure the time we’ve had together. I have grown with you, and learned much from you, and I know I have made major positive contributions to you. We are both better people for having touched one another.
At this late juncture, is occurs to me that a chess metaphor might also be useful. Chess is a game in which each party has its own singular objective even as it engages the other; a mid-game in which a struggle develops and intensifies and bits and pieces of each side are lost, both sides diminished; an end-game in which one traps and paralyzes the other.
I think you see life as a chess game; I see it as a sonata. And because of these differences, both the king and the queen are lost, and the song is silenced.
I am still your friend, as I know you are mine. I send this with a heart full of the deep and tender love and high regard you know I have for you, as well as profound sorrow that an opportunity so filled with promise, so rare and so beautiful, had to go unfulfilled.
(signed)
******
20080711
1 message received
Date 07:10:2008
Time 7:20 am
Type Text message
napakaganda ng kahulugan.
ngunit mas higit na maganda ang alaala na naglaro sa aking isipan.. na dumagdag pa sa kagandahan ng umaga.
Time 7:20 am
Type Text message
"Walang masama kung gusto mong lisanin ang barkong sa tingin mo'y palubog na. Basta't wag mo lang hahagisan ng anumang pabigat ang barko habang pinagsusumikapan itong isalba ng ibang tao."
~Bob Ong
magandang umaga. :)
napakaganda ng kahulugan.
ngunit mas higit na maganda ang alaala na naglaro sa aking isipan.. na dumagdag pa sa kagandahan ng umaga.
20080612
ang mamatay ng dahil sa'yo
Nais kong lumipad tulad ng agila at lumutang-lutang sa hangin
Magkaroon ng pugad sa puso ng gubat
Ngunit ito ay panaginip lang at maaring di matupad
Pagkat ang kagubatan ay unti-unti ng nawawala
Mga puno nito’y nangingibang bayan
At kung wala ng puno ay wala na ring mapupugaran
Kapag ang agila’y walang pugad, wala na syang dahilan upang lumipad
O haring ibon
Haring tunay
Nais kong tumulong
Na ang kaharian mo’y muling mabuhay
Kung nais mong makakita ng agila
Wag kang tumingala’t tumitig sa langit
Pagkat ang mga agila nitong ating bayan
Ang iba’y nabihag na, at ang mga natitira’y bihirang magpakita
Tiniklop na nila ang kanilang mga pakpak
Hinubad na nila ang kanilang mga lumahe
Sila’y nagsipagtago sa natitirang gubat
Ang lahi ba nila’y tuluyan ng mawawala
Ooo haring ibon
Haring tunay
Nais kong tumulong
Nang kaharian mo’y muling mabuhay
O haring ibon
Hari kong tunay
Nais kong tumulong
Nang kaharian mo’y muling mabuhay
- Agila / Joey Ayala
sa kabila ng sari-saring krisis na kinakaharap,
mas pipiliin ko pa rin ang manatili at mamuhay dito sa sariling bayan.
walang katumbas na tagumpay o yaman ang mamuhay ng malaya.
20080508
walking with the gods
i approached the gods
but the clouds did not come any closer
i talked to the gods
but heard only faint echoes of worn sounds
i watched the gods play
but could not understand their games
i looked at the gods
they looked back but never really saw me
i walked with the gods
but they were not going anywhere
i looked away from the gods
and saw where heaven must be.
we must looked to the earth
to reach the clouds
we must listen to our hearts
to hear the real sounds
we should play the game
but by rules we make
we must look at our past
to clearly see our future
we must walk together
to really move forward
we must look to each other
and build heaven where we stand.
but the clouds did not come any closer
i talked to the gods
but heard only faint echoes of worn sounds
i watched the gods play
but could not understand their games
i looked at the gods
they looked back but never really saw me
i walked with the gods
but they were not going anywhere
i looked away from the gods
and saw where heaven must be.
we must looked to the earth
to reach the clouds
we must listen to our hearts
to hear the real sounds
we should play the game
but by rules we make
we must look at our past
to clearly see our future
we must walk together
to really move forward
we must look to each other
and build heaven where we stand.
20080507
love story 1.1
i do love you
but I will not say it
there are things that cannot be.
you love me
but we cannot do it
some thoughts are sacred for you and me.
we love
God knows we do
but for His sake
we both say no.
but I will not say it
there are things that cannot be.
you love me
but we cannot do it
some thoughts are sacred for you and me.
we love
God knows we do
but for His sake
we both say no.
20080424
heaven or hell?
there is life after death… kaya dapat daw, maging mabuti ka habang nabubuhay dito sa lupa para mapunta ka sa langit. ito yung palagi nila sinasabi. masaya daw kasi doon sa langit. heaven daw ang feeling. maraming anghel… nagkakantahan… nagsasayawan… nagtatawanan… puro kasayahan.
pero ini-imagine ko… masaya ba talaga sa langit? pano kung wala ka dun? eh di hindi na masaya. pakiramdam ko yung mga kakilala ko ngayon hindi dun pupunta… so wala akong kausap dun? walang barkada… walang tropa. ang lungkot di ba? sigurado din ako na all the good-girls-with-bad-habit wala rin dun. tapos sabi nga nung isang kanta "sa langit walang beer". pano naging masaya yun?
‘the subscriber cannot be reached’… ito yung sagot nung subukan kong tawagan si gatekeeper upang tanungin kung masaya ba talaga dun. walang ding reply sa mga SMS… isa lang ibig sabihin: walang signal sa langit, siguro sa sobrang taas di na talaga ma-reach. no calls, no SMS… ang lungkot di ba?
ikaw, san mo gusto pumunta… sa heaven or sa hell?
ako, isipin ko muna...
pero ini-imagine ko… masaya ba talaga sa langit? pano kung wala ka dun? eh di hindi na masaya. pakiramdam ko yung mga kakilala ko ngayon hindi dun pupunta… so wala akong kausap dun? walang barkada… walang tropa. ang lungkot di ba? sigurado din ako na all the good-girls-with-bad-habit wala rin dun. tapos sabi nga nung isang kanta "sa langit walang beer". pano naging masaya yun?
‘the subscriber cannot be reached’… ito yung sagot nung subukan kong tawagan si gatekeeper upang tanungin kung masaya ba talaga dun. walang ding reply sa mga SMS… isa lang ibig sabihin: walang signal sa langit, siguro sa sobrang taas di na talaga ma-reach. no calls, no SMS… ang lungkot di ba?
ikaw, san mo gusto pumunta… sa heaven or sa hell?
ako, isipin ko muna...
20080422
Earth day 2008
nice initiative!
best if all coffee lovers will bring their own tumbler every time they go for a coffee, even at no price slash.
one cup matter.
it begins with one. it really does.
20080403
father & son
son: tatay! tatay! hinog na po ang saging!
father: hayaan mo na anak... di naman yan sa'tin.
------------------------------------------------------
son: tatay! nanganak yung pusa!
father: eh ano naman anak?
son: pusa din po.
father: hayaan mo na anak... di naman yan sa'tin.
------------------------------------------------------
son: tatay! nanganak yung pusa!
father: eh ano naman anak?
son: pusa din po.
20080219
20080131
parking fee
[ sign at the parking lot ]
Biak-Na-Bato National Park
San Miguel, Bulakan,
Philippines
26 January 2008
got confused? only in the philippines :)
here's my understanding...
BUS = bus
ELF = 6-wheeler truck
VAN = van
PICKUP = pickup truck
COTSE = car
ONER = owner-type-jeep
TRICYLCE = motorcycle with sidecar
SINGLE = motorcycle without sidecar
20080123
give flower
aah, ma'am, would you give me your flower?
hehehe!
hilarious!
this airpot design really made me laugh,
and think as well.
how happy friend will be when i give my flower? :)
hehehe!
hilarious!
this airpot design really made me laugh,
and think as well.
how happy friend will be when i give my flower? :)
20080122
save the trees
A glance of this package in my desk delighted me, even before knowing what’s inside. Traces show that the envelope was used for the 3rd or 4th time, despite plenty of supplies in the office. It’s good to know that some people still care to reuse things… have concern about the environment.
Save a tree… save the mountains… save our playground! :)
20080115
getting slow
"as falls wichita,
so falls wichita falls"
seems like i'm getting slow
maybe my IQ level is waning
i finished the entire movie
but wasn't able to figure out
what does that mean
or i'm really getting old.
i'm sure of the latter.
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